I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
