He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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