We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize