I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
