you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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