are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
