And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
