How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
