So drunk its hurt
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
