I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
