So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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