Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
