Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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