i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
