I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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