my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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