I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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