**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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