just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
