Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize