Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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