I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize
