I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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