so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
