Sry I called you an 8
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
