Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
