Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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