Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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