508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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