I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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