mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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