I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
