my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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