Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
