guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
