fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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