I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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