Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
