We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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