you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
