worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize