i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
