Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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