and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
