He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
