btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize