Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
