The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
