I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
