So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
