he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh god it's open bar.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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