I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
