i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
