Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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