shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
