Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
