Screwed.edu
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
