I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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