dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
