I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
