I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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