What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
