once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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