She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize