i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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