yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you. Go after that dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
