Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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