I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
