she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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