I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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