well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
