I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
