I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
