Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
