Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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