The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize