Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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