Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have post one night stand depression
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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