Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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