i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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