and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to calm my uterus...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
