I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
